I was finishing my PhD at Stanford—three kids, big dreams, too little sleep—and on the job market. As I was looking into the top management consulting firms, I discovered a jarring truth: they called people who brought in the business hunters, and those who did the work were called skinners. So, what did that make customers—prey?

I wanted to make money and do good work, but I didn’t want to hunt or skin anyone. So I started my own firm and vowed to be different. Then, like most of us, I forgot. Until I didn’t—and wrote a book promoting kinder business language and started coaching executives in love-powered leadership.

Fast forward to 2025. The New York Times recently ran a piece about late-night hosts calling for less aggression in American discourse. When comedians are asking us to calm down, you know we’ve gone too far.

Violent language shows up big time in business. We talk about battle plans, crushing competition, and capturing market share, as if running a company were a military campaign. 

Language that fuels domination also fuels fear and disconnection. As I wrote in my book The Amare Wave, changing your language may be the easiest—and most powerful—entry point into love-powered leadership.

Window: Leaders Who Choose Kinder Language

Sister Mary Jean Ryan, longtime CEO of SSM Health, a large Catholic healthcare system, banned violent metaphors entirely. “Target audiences” became “intended audiences.” PowerPoints had “information points,” not bullets. Her reason was that violent language is counter to their goal of creating healing environments. 

Under her leadership, medical errors fell, patient satisfaction rose, and SSM became the first health system to win the Malcolm Baldrige National Quality Award. When you change words, you change outcomes.

Research backs this up. A Washington Post/academic collaboration found that when a CEO’s rhetoric was framed as “declaring war” on competitors, employees were more likely to rationalize unethical behavior. Those who heard neutral or cooperative language instead showed stronger ethical awareness and empathy. 

This means leadership language isn’t just cosmetic—it’s culture in motion. How you talk shapes how you act. As a leader, when you choose words of care and service, you’re not just being nice; you’re protecting integrity, trust, and long-term success. 

Mirror: Self-Reflective Questions

• Where do you hear—or use—violent or predatory language in your work?
• How does that language shape your team’s attitude toward customers, colleagues, and competitors?
• What might shift if your company spoke with words rooted in respect and love instead of fear and control?

Lead with Words That Build, Not Break

Want to lead a team that operates from trust instead of fear? The language you use shapes everything—from culture to ethics to results. If you’re ready to replace aggressive business speak with words that inspire connection and performance, reach out today to explore how coaching can help you build a workplace where language lifts people up.

Door: 5 Small Amare Steps to Eliminate Violent Business Language

1. Notice the war talk. Start by paying attention. Every “attack plan” or “market conquest” is a clue that old habits are running the show. Track when and where warlike language is in place.

2. Reframe key phrases. Replace “crush the competition” with “outserve the competition.” Replace “target audience” with “intended audience.” Small shifts add up fast.

3. Create a word watchlist. With your team, list the top 10 aggressive phrases you use and brainstorm Amare alternatives. Post it where everyone can see, such as in the breakroom or if remote, on Slack.

4. Model what you mean. Leaders go first. Use gentle language without losing clarity or conviction. You’ll set a new tone immediately.

5. Celebrate replacements. When someone swaps “attack plan” for “service strategy,” call it out and thank them. Kindness compounds through attention.

Team Talk: Try This with Your Team

At your next meeting, read aloud a few lines from recent emails or strategy decks. 

Circle phrases that sound like war. Rewrite them together using the Amare Way—language that uplifts, connects, and serves.

Notice how the tone changes—and how everyone feels.

Revolutionary Change Can Start with a Word

The late theologian Abraham Joshua Heschel said, “Words create worlds.” So let’s create better ones—starting in our inboxes, meetings, and metrics.

When you replace attack with serve or crush with care, you begin reshaping how your business feels from the inside out.

That’s the beauty of language: it’s fast, free, and contagious. A word change today can transform how people think, act, and relate tomorrow.

May your words this week build bridges, spark hope, and remind everyone around you what business can really be: an act of love in motion.

In love,

Moshe

Today’s Amare Wave Wednesday Quote

“Words create worlds.” 

— Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, Jewish theologian and philosopher

   

Click here and read more Amare Wave Wednesday newsletters on related topics:

Your Words Have Power: Embracing Modern Leadership Language

How to Lead Through Hard Times Without Adding Suffering to Your Load

Self-Care Isn’t Selfish: It’s Your Leadership Lifeline

Intuition, Instinct, and Fear: A Leader’s Guide to Knowing the Difference and Choosing Wisely

5 Pillars of Empathic Leadership That Can Transform Your Organization

   

Original article published on Inc.com.