You felt it the moment you got to the conference—a tiny pebble in your shoe. Not enough to stop, just enough to annoy you. “I’ll deal with it later,” you told yourself. “First, take care of business.”  

Three hours in, it had become a small torture device. When you finally stopped for 10 whole seconds and shook out the pebble, you laughed, realizing how much energy you wasted (unsuccessfully!) ignoring it.

In leadership, annoying pebbles come in many forms: the underperformer you keep hoping will “come around,” the recurring glitch everyone works around, the teammate who dominates meetings. Each one small enough to tolerate — until the constant friction eventually burns you out and wears away your culture.

When Little Pebbles Add Up

Some leaders believe ignoring small irritations makes them resilient or tough. But research says otherwise. Psychologists point to mental fatigue, cognitive load, and resource depletion—all ways our brains get worn down by tolerating too much for too long. In my coaching work, I call it “energy leaks.”

And we all do it. We rationalize: It’s not that bad. It’s just how she is. It’s not worth bringing up. Each story lets us avoid discomfort—conflict, confrontation, or change. The payoff? We keep the peace. We feel “nice.” We even get to tell ourselves we’re being “professional.” But the price is steep: loss of focus, diminished trust, and quiet resentment that seeps into our decisions and relationships.

Window – Seeing Pebbles in Action

You can see it everywhere. At Boeing, years of tolerating minor quality issues eventually eroded safety culture and public trust. At Uber, small ethical lapses were written off as “startup intensity” until they blew up into a global scandal. And at Wells Fargo, the culture of enabling the tiny missteps that fed unrealistically aggressive sales goals eventually became systemic fraud.

Seinfeld might say it this way: “Ever notice how a whole organization can walk around with the same metaphorical pebble? The outdated policy no one likes, the meeting everyone dreads, the software no one understands. It’s like a company-wide limp. But nobody says anything because, you know, ‘we’re staying positive.’ Sure — positive we’ll do nothing about it.”

Mirror – Reflection Questions

• What small irritations or misalignments have you tried to live with?
• What payoff do you get from tolerating them—and what’s the cost?
• What would freedom look like if you stopped pretending “it’s fine”?

Lead with Motivation That Moves People

I’m offering you a complimentary assessment of your unique leadership style, helping you see which “pebbles” you’re tolerating and how you can make small changes that make a big difference. Contact me here to schedule.

Door into Action: 5 Amare Steps to be Pebble-Free

1. Notice the pebble. Acknowledging what is true can lighten the load. You can’t release what you don’t see.

2. Remove the pebble. Do the thing you’ve been avoiding. Fix it, address it, or let it go entirely. The relief will outweigh the discomfort.

3. Reframe the pebble. Ask what it’s teaching you. Maybe it’s pointing to a boundary you need to set or a truth you need to tell.

4. Say no to new pebbles. Stop letting unnecessary irritants pile up. Say no to extra meetings, unclear requests, or “just this once” exceptions that cost peace later.  HERE’S A FREE LEADERSHIP GUIDE I WROTE TO HELP LEADERS SAY NO

5. Review the culture. If the same pebbles keep showing up throughout your organization, it’s not a shoe problem—it’s a culture problem. Review policies, norms, and incentives to see where friction hides in plain sight.

Amare Team Talk

At your next team meeting, invite a five-minute “pebble check.” Ask: “What’s one small thing you’re putting up with that doesn’t serve you or the team?” Listen, don’t fix. You’ll be amazed how quickly awareness melts frustration and clears the path for meaningful action.

Your Inspirational Challenge

Don’t mistake “putting up with it” for strength. Real strength is the courage to stop, adjust, and move on with clarity. While you can’t avoid every pebble, you can choose how you meet them—with awareness, compassion, and a willingness to act.

This week, give yourself permission to stop tolerating pebbles that steal your ease. Every time you clear a minor irritation or a big misalignment, you create space for love to lead. That’s the quiet revolution of the Amare Way — striding forward with purpose, peace, and no unnecessary pain.

Big Amare!

–Moshe

Today’s Amare Wave Wednesday Quote

“Tolerating things that shouldn’t be tolerated is the fastest path to mediocrity.” 

— Patrick Lencioni, author of “The Advantage

   

Acknowledgements: Deep gratitude to Kathy Fleming, ace coach, collaborator, and friend for her ongoing support to get rid of the pebbles!

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Original article published on Inc.com.