Yes, you are a constraint on your organization. Always. And that’s not a bad thing. It’s actually an important part of your job as a leader.
The nuanced leadership question is which kind of constraint. One kind of constraint comes from fear. It limits you, your people, your culture, and your results — often without your awareness. The other comes from love. It limits what your organization will tolerate, compromise, or become.
In doing so, it also creates a culture of psychological safety that opens the door to all kinds of healthy and aligned growth possibilities.
Both kinds of constraints can define your leadership. You get to choose which one it will be.
Fear Constraints vs. Love Constraints
Here’s a quick way to tell the difference.
Approval. Fear constraints need your sign-off on everything. Love constraints set the standard so clearly, people can approve things themselves.
Mistakes. Fear constraints respond to every error with a new rule. Love constraints treat mistakes as information — not evidence.
Revenue. Fear constraints take the bad-fit client because the number looks good. Love constraints pass on it, prioritizing alignment with your values.
Conflict. Fear constraints avoid the uncomfortable conversations. Love constraints require having them— and staying connected throughout.
AMARE LEADERSHIP LAB IS OPEN FOR SUMMER ENROLLMENT
The most important constraints in your organization come from the top — from the values, standards, and non-negotiables you will always stand by. The Amare Leadership Lab is designed for leaders ready to examine and step into exactly that. More information on the Amare Leadership Lab here Amare Leadership Lab.
Instant Thought Experiment
Think about the last major decision that required your approval before it could move forward.
Now ask: Did it need my input because only I had the judgment to make it? Or because I haven’t yet trusted someone else to make it without me?
Though both may look the same on the outside, they’re not. The first is real leadership. The second is fear masquerading as leadership.
To learn more, check out the new Amare Leadership Lab, where leaders do exactly this work — getting honest about which kind of constraint they’re being, and building the courage and skills to lead better under pressure.
Mirror: Two Questions to Reflect On
༄ What constraint have you held firm on, because letting it go would have meant compromising a core value? What resulted in the long run?
༄ Where has fear created unnecessary constraints in you that holds back your team?
Window into a Leadership Shift: Reed Hastings
At Pure Software back in 1991, founder Reed Hastings had a simple response to every mistake: add a rule, write a policy. The best people left. Every rule he added was fear dressed up as management.
When he founded Netflix, he very consciously did a 180. He stopped adding rules and started choosing values. Hire only people you’d refuse to lose. Require radical honesty. Pair freedom with real accountability. He chose love-based constraints, not fear-based ones.
Fear-based constraints can still make you money. They just can’t get you to the legacy. Hastings knew the difference — because he lived both sides of it.
What the Research Says: It’s Psychological Safety
Fear-based constraints leave you and your people feeling smaller. Love-based constraints build the condition that most predicts high performance: psychological safety—knowing you won’t be penalized for speaking your mind.
Google’s two-year study of over 180 teams found psychological safety was the single greatest driver of team effectiveness — more than talent, experience, or structure. Psychological safety doesn’t happen by accident. It’s built by leaders who lead from love: they name what they stand for, hold that line under pressure, protect people who tell the truth, and stay connected while doing it.
Delizonna, Laura. “High-Performing Teams Need Psychological Safety: Here’s How to Create It.” Harvard Business Review, August 24, 2017. hbr.org)
Door into Action: 5 Amare Leadership Steps to Assess & Shift Your Constraints
1. Identify your constraints honestly. List three ways your leadership constrains each of these key factors: how you show up, how your team works, and how your organization grows.
2. Get input from your team. Find out where you slow things down when it;s not useful, and where people wished you held a harder line?” Don’t defend. What you hear is data. Use it.
3. Sort and prioritize. For each constraint, ask yourself whether it sources from useful values or from fear? Mark each one. Prioritize them in terms of both positive and negative impact. Commit to shifting one constraint this week.
4. Hold the line under pressure. The next time your values become inconvenient, or saying no costs you something real — hold the love-based constraint anyway. That’s a defining moment for you.
5. Build choosing constraints into your culture. Name one love-based constraint publicly. Add an actionable metric to track it and pay attention to it. Repeat often.
Amare Team Talk
Bring this question to your next leadership team meeting: As a leadership team — what constraints have we put in place out of fear? And what are the ones we hold because they reflect who we actually want to be?” Make it safe to tell the truth!
Get Inspired and Make the Shift
Every organization is shaped, in part, by its leader’s constraints. Your organization doesn’t need a perfect leader.
It needs a clear one. Clear about what you stand for. Clear about what you won’t trade. Clear about who you’re protecting — and why.
That clarity is the positive constraint that shows everyone exactly who you are as a leader.
With confidence in you,
–Moshe
Today’s Amare Wave Wednesday Quote
“Constraints do two things at once. They remove possibilities. They reveal possibilities.”
—Alicia Juarrero, philosopher and author of Context Changes Everything
Click here and read more Amare Wave Wednesday newsletters on related topics:
The Truth about Love-Powered Leadership in the Often Brutal World of Business
You GET Recognizing and Managing Fear Energy and Love Energy in Hard Times
How Mistakes Make you a Better Leader: 6 Amare Ways to Master Imperfection
When “No” Means Go: How Constraints Spark Creative Leadership Breakthroughs
